“It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed, is you. ”
– Eric Roth
After 3 ½ months, to be exact 102 days, I returned to Germany.
I had promised to be home around Christmas time, but if it had been another time of the year, I would have probably stayed away for longer. It is not that I don’t like being home, but I feel like I wasn’t completely ready for it.
Walking up the few steps to our open apartment door, I just felt a bit like turning around and just going away again. It was an insanely weird feeling to after such a long time see that nothing had changed. My room stayed the same and so did the rest of the space that I had spent a long time of my life in. The time being away, felt like the longest and the shortest time at the same.
I have only been home for two days now, but already I feel quite restless.
Before I left to travel, I enjoyed just doing nothing for a day, especially right after graduating from High School.
But already on the first day home after a few hours, I felt like I had to do something. I couldn’t really enjoy resting for too long. I ended up just unpacking my stuff.
The first moment in my room everything felt a bit foreign, but after only a few hours I wanted to change something about the way my room looks. It is kind of a new feeling to me, which I am not too sure how to describe properly.
I am stuck between this feeling of wanting to hide from the world and going out there to see what happened to the city, the people and everything else I abandoned for a long time.
But I am a bit scared. Scared that maybe everything is the same. And scared that maybe everything has changed.
I have become so used to the lifestyle of WWOOFing and living in a community that it feels weird to have proper time to myself. It used to be something I enjoyed so much. But now it still feels a bit strange.
That is probably the best way to describe it. It is not that I feel lonely. And I am sure that after time things will feel different. Right now, everything is just still very fresh. And maybe I feel a bit lost, but that is okay. I know that I have changed over the course over the last few months. But I still need to find out in which way.
Before my trip to Ireland I have never been longer away from home than maybe 5 or 6 weeks. The longest time I have been away from home just by myself were 2 weeks.
So it makes sense that I need some time to adjust to being in my hometown again.
I don’t know where I will go next and when I will head off again, but I know that I won’t stay here for too long.
So I will just try to make the best out of this and explore this new feeling of being unfamiliar in such a familiar place.
And maybe things will be different soon. Who knows?
To be continued …